Friday, September 08, 2006

Not so much about running

Hmmm...I'm not exactly sure where to go with this post. I've had several thoughts running around in my head....so we'll see where it all lands. Even though my blog is primarily about my running, it's really about my life. There's a lot I don't share here, primarily because I've been burned on the ass a few times about things I have said. That's the main reason I've given a lot of thought to moving elsewhere and letting those of you who are kind enough to leave encouraging comments a forwarding address via email or something. The thing is, I don't read your blogs to see what your last split was. I read to see what's going on in your life, rejoice with your improvements, hug you on the bad days, give you advice on your blisters and share in the ultimate joy of a race completed. If you never ran another PR again or completely gave up speedwork but kept sharing the mundane joys of your ordinary day I would be just fine with that. Some of us may seem like workout machines but underneath it all we are normal people (but nowhere near average). All that said here goes.... (and Blogger - you'd better start cooperating and quite erasing my posts!)

Work has been really difficult this week. Not in the usual annoying people work stuff, but because our friend T passed away overnight Wednesday. If you've been reading my blog for a while you might remember me mentioning her, particularly last fall when she was no longer able to work. This wasn't her first battle with cancer. She was only 32 and was a single mom to 2 small kids. Nothing about her life has ever been easy, but I can't even express to you what a positive, uplifting person she was. I know I have never heard her complain about anything and she had plenty of things she could complain about. She was my "pee partner", the only person I know of at work who pees as much as I do. Her medication made her have to go a lot, and my only excuse is a tiny bladder and excessive water intake. I'll never forgot all the laughs we had running into each other in there, and all the conversations I'd share with Brent that began with "Yeah, in the bathroom today T and I were talking about such and such". I know she's in a much better place now, fully healed and watching us with a huge smile, but it still sucks. Cancer is just wrong, and the people it takes are not the people it should take. I know she will still be with us every day, and I know she will be with me during every race I ever run. (She was always so interested in our silly races and would have loved to come and watch us.) Her visitation was this afternoon after work, but it's still surreal and will take a while to comprehend. I really wish Brent could have been here to go with me, it's really hard for him to be so far away because they worked together quite a bit and were very close. I am certainly my own person, and he will be the first to tell you I am headstrong, stubborn and independent but he's my rock and my best friend. Life is a bit sad when he's gone to begin with....and I wasn't sure if I would even be able to make it through this afternoon at all without him. I can't wait to pick him up at the airport tomorrow night.

There's really nothing else inside me to say tonight other than life is short, but we all know that. Enjoy your time here and don't be scared to dream big.

15 Comments:

At 8:10 PM, Blogger Firefly's Running said...

I am so sorry and offer my condolences for your loss. Yes, cancer does SUCK. It took my dad, grandmother, and two aunts. I am a better person because of it and has inspired me to run. I will pray for her two kids, who are without their mom now.

 
At 9:38 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

That is a drag of a week to say the very least. I'm not really all THAT fond of writing in general, but love the blog format and blog culture, so therefore, I have a blog. The only times I feel real confident in writing are when I emotionally need it. It may be that I've had an upsetting day or week, as you have. Or it may be that just miscellaneous thoughts are buzzing around in my head with such clarity and speed that I need to write them down and try to draw connections.

Regardless, I am, for whatever reason, drawn to blogs with a theme, usually connected to daily life. And in my case, oddly, several runners are on my roll (whatever happened to Christian Runner, btw?). It's great to see posts on that theme, but like it or not, it's inescapable that we are multifaceted.

Sadly, you've seen an ugly, universal facet of life. I hope you're able to cope, though. I'm sure you will, and your hub will be back soon. Have an Skinny Monkey bar or whatever to make you happier. Glad you feel comfortable with us enough to write about these bad things. It's a good thing to do for you and us, I think.

*hugs*

Cory who is having password trouble *grrrrrrrrrrrrrowl*

 
At 4:22 AM, Blogger Jon (was) in Michigan said...

So very sorry about the loss of your friend, Rae. She's sounds like she was a wonderful person. She was lucky to have friends like you and Brent.

Its funny what you said about reading people's blogs for the day-to-day stuff. I had always thought of you and very into the running part.

We will keep your friend and her family in our prayers.

*electronic hug from me*

 
At 10:02 AM, Anonymous Shalini said...

So sorry for your loss-that was a beautiful post.

 
At 12:56 PM, Blogger neese said...

thank you for sharing rae... i lost my sister to cancer, she was 31. i can only imagine she is welcoming T into heaven and they are smiling together right now. i know it hurts deep and the finality of a loss is sometimes too much to bear... but keep living your life and show her you are happy as she is always with you.

 
At 6:10 PM, Blogger Running Jayhawk said...

big hugs. that's all i got right now for ya hun...lots and lots of big fat bear hugs.

and yes...cancer sucks.

 
At 6:10 PM, Blogger Danny said...

a few things...

sorry to hear about your friend. at our age we're not used to losing people we call friends, and i think that's pretty tough. i think you're right about her being in a better place, but its still hard fro the people left behind.

i found your comment about moving your blog to a new secret location interesting. i've been getting some flak (from my folks) about my blog, and i've been considering the same thing. (but not yet...)

i'm not going to point out that while you're posting about death, brent's been posting pictures of slot machines, the pool, and himself posing in roman hats. but seriously, i'm jealous of your relationship, and it's obvious how much you miss him when he's gone. i'm actually excited for your reunion.

i think that's enough for long mushy comments. ;-)

 
At 9:25 PM, Blogger Mia Goddess said...

I'm sorry, Rae. One of the great things about you is the depth of your compassion and empathy. It makes you an amazing person. It also makes times like this even more heartbreaking. {{hugs}} and I'm so sorry for your loss.

 
At 6:42 AM, Blogger Susan said...

So sorry about your friend, how sad and so young too. Life is so short and you're right on the money when say we need to live it to the fullest.

 
At 6:50 AM, Blogger redlib said...

Rae,
Runners are good people to make such nice condolences to you. Let me add mine here. Sorry that you lost a friend in this world- there sometimes seem to be so few people that can make you laugh or seem decent that when one is gone, life is harder.
Hope you and B take care of each other in that great new house!

 
At 3:17 PM, Blogger E-Speed said...

so sorry Rae.

Cancer does suck, and having your hubby not be there to hold you sucks even more.

Hope you have fun remembering all the great things about your friend.

 
At 4:02 PM, Blogger jeanne said...

rae, i just love you. you are an amazing person. i'm so sorry you lost such a good friend.

 
At 6:55 PM, Blogger David said...

I am here to say that you and Brent are an incredible couple. You guys are just made for each other and Pippin has it best of all. He gets both of you. Just like T did. She got both of you and you got to enjoy her for all she was worth. It's sad she left so young. I expect you and Brent exchanged one enormous hug when he got home.

 
At 11:24 AM, Blogger Lana said...

I am so sorry to hear about your friend....sending hugs your way(although though are a little belated)...

 
At 11:52 AM, Blogger Jack said...

It's hard to lose a friend, especially when they are young and fighting a fight they can't win. When I was 17 I lost a school friend, he was one year younger than I and had MS. My condolences.

 

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